Between people's adolescent and adult years, mention at least one breakup that hurt them or caused them to doubt their worth. Some described amicable breakups and things ending on relatively good terms. In the past, I've had relationships that ended, and we both agreed that it would be best to part ways, and some were unexpected.
Whether the break up ended on good terms or not, overall, people report after a break up feeling anxious such as knots or butterflies in their stomachs, or when their phone vibrates; they look at it hoping that it's their ex-partner calling or sending them a text message. They feel disappointed when they see that it's not their former lover contacting them.
Some experience racing thoughts about their partner that leads to poor sleep. The thoughts that might keep them up at night include if they've moved on and, if so, with whom? Or before going to bed, they check their social media accounts to see what their partner has been up to. Maybe you blame yourself for the breakup or divorce and wish you could have done things differently. The split between you and your ex-partner likely caused some anxiety and sadness for you.
Here are some tips that may help to lessen your breakup anxiety:
1. Feel the pain: Don't suppress the pain and hurt because it's common to feel negative emotions after a breakup. Bottling up the feelings and sweeping them under the rug might come out indirectly with substance use, isolation, anger, missed work, promiscuity, and etc. Allow yourself to cry and process your feelings.
2. Remove reminders: To make things easier on you and your mental health, remove pictures, clothes, or any mementos of your partner. Having the images of your partner deleted from your phone or scrubbed from your social media account and items given to you by your partner placed in your closet or given away might make coping a lot easier.
3. Engage with family members and friends: Surround yourself with people who care and love you to overcome this difficult time.
4. Distraction: Distract yourself from thinking about your partner with hobbies and activities you enjoy. Think about the hobbies you gave up or didn't often do because of your relationship with your partner- Was it exercising? reading? Or eating at a restaurant? Doing this might help you take your mind off your partner's absence and focus on something else.
5. Therapy: Breakups can be hard to deal with and can lead to symptoms of depression and anxiety; some describe the relationship and things leading up to the breakup as traumatic, and I think talking things out with a therapist would be helpful.
There's no timeline for healing from breakups because healing takes time, and it could take one week or possibly a few months not to feel anxious or sad. Remember to be kind to yourself and, most importantly, patient.
Shariff Ruffin wrote this article, and please credit him if used without his permission.
For support, Shariff Ruffin can be reached at info.therapyforchange@gmail.com